A view through broken glass

Go down

A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Mon Aug 31, 2009 6:11 am

The last year has been quite a ride for a lot of people. It's been filled with struggle and obsticles and lots and lots of changes. One thing I definately know is that it hasn't been boring.

That's the optimist in me looking for pitchers to make lemonaid from all the lemons that it's been raining.
I don't think life just hands out lemons, I think it hurls them. The only good response I know of is to grab the nearest club and start swinging.
Otherwise your lible to get nailed a few times, and it hurts when thoes things hit.

I've spent the last week trying to deal with a mix of anger and frustration. I do not deal with failure well.
The failure that is sitting in my way is over a class I washed out of, In the big picture of things and purposes, it's a good thing I washed out, as I'm not cut out to be a call center monkey drone.
That's why nothing that they tried to cram in my head stuck. If the class had been focused on learning practile things concerning the job I probably wouldn't have washed out. But the class was focused on a whole lot of stuff that had little to do with the job.

So I washed out of it. I have no doubt that I could have done the job. From the people on the floor who work there, I know the job is about helping people figure out parts of their bill and getting things straightened out.
But seems the universe has other plans for this kid.

That's the optimist again. The other peices and parts of me are having a hard time dealing with the knowledge that I failed the class. As I said I don't do failure well.
It goes against everything I have spent so long proving to myself.
That I can suceed at anything I try. The truth is that there are things in life that I will fail at. There is purpose in that process. It isn't easy or kind sometimes.
But it serves to remind me that I am here for a reason and if I stick to the purpose, what I do will suceed.
The problem is that I still need to eat and I still need to pay the monthly bills that come my way.
I'm an artist. I know art better than anything else. I've spent over 40 years of my life doing art. It makes sense and at least for me is the primal language we all speak, although there are alot of people in the world that are disasociated from that part of themselves, and seem themselves as not being creative.
I like introducing them to their own creativity. Now all I have to do is figure out how to make a constant living out of that and it will all be good
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Absinthe Angel on Mon Sep 07, 2009 1:59 pm

Wendy,
I'm sorry that it has been a tough couple of months for you, and that I've not been there for support due to my own illness.

Try not to look at this situation as a failure. But instead as another one of lifes many lessons and earning experiences. You are a brilliant woman, and I have no doubts that you came away from this class with some profound knowledge of things that you may not at this moment even be away of. It's just sitting there in the back of your brain, waiting for Spirit to pull from at that most perfect and oportune time. That time when that bit of information with make the most impact in yours or someone else's life. Try and look at the time spent as time spent learning a very valueable skill to be used in the future.

If you can look at this experience in this way you will realize that you were not a failure at all. But actually a triumphant victor! One who sacrificed of themselves for a higher task in lifes journey. You are just waiting for the task to be called to action. You will know when it is. And I have no doubt that you will willingly step forward to give back to the universe that treasure of knowledge that was birthed during those classes.

So head up and be proud of yourself my friend. Everything happens for a Divine purpose Smile
avatar
Absinthe Angel
Admin

Posts : 99
Join date : 2009-08-08

http://valhallasoap.com

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Guest on Mon Sep 07, 2009 6:22 pm

Then you fart and feel better Shocked Exclamation

P-U that stinks. affraid

WHO THE HELL FARTED IN THE DAMN FORUM Exclamation cyclops pale silent tongue pirat scratch lol!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Mon Sep 07, 2009 8:01 pm

Hi Donna,

I'm glad that you are still here. Your road over the last few months has been, at least from my perspective, much more difficult. But you are still here, and I am greatful and glad for that. You have been an anchor for so many people including me. This is your time to heal, both from surgery and the other things that would take you into dark depression if they could.
I suspect that you have been coated and covered with protective something so that thoes things which would take many people out cannot touch you.
I'm glad and greatful for that as well. It would seem there is much more road and work ahead.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I take them as the wonderful gift that they are.
The feeling of being a failure is passing.
I'm not really sure I would call what I walked away from the class with as profound. I learned that a call center is not a good pair of shoes for me.
When it creeps into my thoughts, it's still as confused and messy as it was durring the class.
I see it the whole thing as a pressure test and from what one of the instructors said it was designed to distroy all previous call center experience so they could make the students be what they wanted.
That explained the nazi nightmears after the first week there.

What I am reminded of by the whole thing is that I do not do well in over crowed rooms as I can feel everyone's emotional state, which can be alot like standing in rush hour traffic.
I do not know what the universe has in store for me, meditation and dream time are very weird as of late, cryptic and filled with odd things.
What ever is to come will do so inspite of what ever uncertianty exists.
And come what may, whether good or ill, joyous or sorrow, it will be life, and for that I am in the deepest place in me greatful.
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Absinthe Angel on Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:32 pm

And then we always have the sensitive, understanding men's viewpoint from Wolf Rolling Eyes cyclops scratch Laughing

Seriously Wendy..........no experience in this life is wasted time, unless we allow it to be. Only you can choose what you allow these last few weeks to become in your life journey. They may seem now like they were a negative experience, but you can choose to let them be a positive one if you look at them from a different perspective.

While I can see that it would be difficult for an empath such as yourself to work in a call center environment (Natalie had a difficult time with that line of work as well), you can still walk away from the experience as a vessel of light to be used by Spirit when the need may arise. And for that matter, you may have already been used during the time you were there. That is the thing, we just don't always know the time or place that we will make a difference. It is only important that we be willing to take the journey Smile
avatar
Absinthe Angel
Admin

Posts : 99
Join date : 2009-08-08

http://valhallasoap.com

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Guest on Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:56 pm

Hey I always believe that humor and a good laugh once in awhile is good for the body and soul. So Smile and be joyous and never live in the past or you will fall off the road and break a leg or something.

Seriously someone needs to go to the bathroom or something because it does stink on this forum P-U affraid


Smile the universe and the gods love ya.


Wolf Dreamer scratch Shocked Suspect cyclops pale cat clown pig confused Sleep bom cherry geek jocolor scratch afro lol! Shocked

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Absinthe Angel on Tue Sep 08, 2009 12:04 am

w0lfdrmer wrote:Hey I always believe that humor and a good laugh once in awhile is good for the body and soul. So Smile and be joyous and never live in the past or you will fall off the road and break a leg or something.

Seriously someone needs to go to the bathroom or something because it does stink on this forum P-U affraid


Smile the universe and the gods love ya.


Wolf Dreamer scratch Shocked Suspect cyclops pale cat clown pig confused Sleep bom cherry geek jocolor scratch afro lol! Shocked

I agree. We all need to have a moment of misery I guess. But just a moment. Then pull yourself up, realize that it's still a beautiful day, put one foot in front of the other, and keep on truckin'.

And if it stinks in here, it's because the wolf needs a bath Razz Wink tongue lol!
Just kidding! We just need to recruit more people so there can be more interaction.
avatar
Absinthe Angel
Admin

Posts : 99
Join date : 2009-08-08

http://valhallasoap.com

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Guest on Tue Sep 08, 2009 12:14 am

HEY I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK, and for your info I took a shower over an hour ago Exclamation sunny What a Face

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Tue Sep 08, 2009 7:53 am

Who said this is a moment of misery? It's simply a passage of time with something attached to it that happened that didn't work. For me it was a hard teacher. As to making a differnce it doesn't matter.
For a long time I held onto the idea that not knowing if I made a difference didn't mean that I hadn't and the belief that my presence possibly made a difference was what I used to propell my self past internal pain. I don't have time to think about that to make it all better. It is what it was, and that's all. It's the simpliest way to think about it when it comes round.
It's done and I'm in forward gear (I think).
I haven't stopped living. I just haven't figured out how to work the gears in the car yet.

This last year has been full of what the call center experience was, crash and burn tests. I talked to another person who said their 50th year was pretty much the same, but once they hit 51 things seemed to settle down.
So I've taken a deep breath and am trying to look at things from a different perspective. I cannot afford the price tag of misery. I haven't figured out how to convey that I'm not stuck there yet.
Seems I need to learn how to say something sucks without giving the wrong idea.

At the moment I'm trying to figure out what job to go for. I love art but haven't been able so far to make a constant living at it. So in the mean time there are still the ever present re-occuring monthly bills that require feeding.
So it's been job hunting and trying to figure out how to make a living from home.
I've been taking the bus to what ever job I'm doing and have been doing that since March of this year.
While it's cost effective, dealing with drunks who are obnoxious at the bus terminal down town while waiting for the next bus gets to be a bit much at times.

Since the death of my frig, I've been doing some research in to food preservation and have been reading accounts of how people who lived in the depression durring the 1930's dealt with the lack of having a frig.
I can't see going into debt for a new one. I've been looking for a used one for a while, but haven't found one yet.
It's the same thing with the washer and dryer. When they died it was just a matter of going to the nearest laundry mat. That's alot easier than washing things in the tub and then playing iron man with wet heavy clothes.
I've done the math and for the time being going to the laundry mat and doing laundry once a week and having it done in a few hours makes more sense to me than hanging wet clothes all over the house.
Here in the park we are not allowed to have a clothes line. Apparently a clothes line is not pretty.
It's hard to understand because undies and sheets and clothes come in all sorts of pretty colors these days and it could be looked at as added color to the landscape. But rules are rules and so it's the laundry mat.
The cost of going there v.s, the amount saved on the water and electric is about the same since I keep the trips to once a week.

The refrigeration problem is a bit more difficult because I can't dig a root celler and don't have a well that I can store parishables in.
I had thought about asking one of the neighbors if I could store parishables in their freezer and doing it in trade for some of the food, but since I did that at one point and ended up loosing most of the food to the person's friends who decited to help themselves and not replace it, I've decited not to go that route again.
At the moment what ever parishables are brought into the house have to be eaten quickly. Meat and milk is the same day kind of thing.
Vegies are easier so that helps. Space is very limited here, so the quanity is small.
All of this has been an education in re thinking what really does need refrigeration.
While at the moment I can't save money in buying in bulk and freezing most of it, it's still better than eating everything out of a can.

The weather here the last couple of summers has been not real condusive to growing a garden, even container gardens. The planting season has been too short. The gardens that did get in around here didn't produce anything, lots of foliage but no fruit.
This year was another one of thoes same kinds of summers. Another problem looking for a solution.
The list is long so I really don't have time for misery. Just moments after events to think about how I'm feeling right then and then it's back to the list and trying to problem solve.
If things linger it's a bit frustrating because time is always an issue, and there is no time because there are too many other issues that need to be adressed.
It does get a little crazy at times.

So my apologies if I sounded like I was wallowing around in something that didn't work out. I just finally figured out that when I need to say something sucks that's what I need to say and not go into details, as it tends to give the wrong impression.

Anyway, I have to get back to figuring out the job thing. When I do get that figured out it will be one less thing to solve for.
So it's on ward and forward, now if I can just figure out how the gears work I won't keep grinding them. Surprised
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Absinthe Angel on Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:16 pm

Wendy,
I don't think anyone is/was saying that you were wallowing in the misery of the call center situation. If anything we were just trying to lighten the mood, and give you a boost up by showing you how to look at the situation (and any situation) from a different perspective is all.

Yea, we all find ourselves in sucky situations at times. But I'm a firm believer in that what you think on, what you dwell on, is what you will draw to yourself and your surroundings. In other words, if your car runs like crap, and all you think about is "My car runs like crap, it is a piece of crap. I want a better car." Well then, your car is going to run like crap, BE a piece of crap. And you will never draw anything better into your situation thus solving the car problem. However, if you ignore the car problem, and start to dwell on a reliable car, with good tires, that gets good mileage, etc., then you will draw that into your life and solve the car problem.

Anyway, I'm sorry if you took our words wrong. It is so hard sometimes to convey what you truely mean in wrting when you can not see a persons face or hear the tone of their voice. Please just know, that we were only trying to lift your spirits Smile

Love Ya!
avatar
Absinthe Angel
Admin

Posts : 99
Join date : 2009-08-08

http://valhallasoap.com

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Guest on Tue Sep 08, 2009 3:41 pm

Wendy,
I appoligize to you personally from the heart if I came across as a mean spirited S.O.B. I was just trying to cheer you up. Again I am sorry if my words offeneded you in any way.

Wolf Dreamer

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:32 pm

I understand that you were trying to help Donna, I just end up over explaining things, that keeps getting me into trouble. I just gotta learn to keep it simple.

I was explaining to Chrystal why I hadn't called for a while. The work the last few months ment that I didn't get home till really late and she took it that I was complaining.
I had to then go into another explaination that I wasn't complaining, just explaining that getting home so late in the evening and being gone so much made it not so easy to call is all.
The weekeds had been overloaded, so time had gotten away and that's all there was to it.

So I just gotta quite going into explainations about things, as I'm not so good at comming across clearly. So it's all good. No worries.
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Tue Sep 08, 2009 5:35 pm

Wolf, don't worry about it. You don't know me and for all you knew I could be someone who goes into tryades of dramma at the drop of a hat.
So it's all good.

Nice to meet you by the way. I'm Donna's friend, the crazy artist.
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Guest on Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:50 pm

Hi crazy artist Wink , I am Wolf (aka Mike) hubby to Liz. She buys Donna's soup(I meant soap). lol!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:50 pm

hello. It's nice to meet you.
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  lil_manns_mom on Sun Sep 27, 2009 10:24 pm

hey wendy, its nat. U are NOT a crazy artist.....you are a BRILLIANT artist. i only wish i have 1/1000 of the talent u have. Your work is amazing and inspiring!!!!! miss u!

lil_manns_mom

Posts : 9
Join date : 2009-09-27
Age : 35

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  whiteringmoon on Mon Sep 28, 2009 9:42 am

Hey Nat,

I miss all of you. Thank you for the compliment.

My view of myself as a crazy artist isn't a self debasing thought. It just refers to the truth that I don't live in the box of what the social structure of approved art is, as in the hirarchy part.
It means that I don't ahere to their rules, but rather understand and accept that I don't fit into that hirachy nor would I want to. It's political and passing at best. I perfer to listen to my own creative fire and let it speak as it chooses.
This means that my art is not mainstream, it doesn't fit into alot of anything. It just is what it is.
An ifection for which there is no cure, save one, and that is to stop doing it and in doing so, die inside.

There are and have been many artists who have fallen under the heading of crazy. It just means that thoes artists have been free from the need to be obedient art slaves to the powers that be in the artworld.
So crazy isn't a bad thing. It just means I'm free too.
I know I'm in good company. Smile
avatar
whiteringmoon

Posts : 18
Join date : 2009-08-16

Back to top Go down

Re: A view through broken glass

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum